Sick

The two things they tell you about being sick is that you need to get rest and drink lots of fluids. Well I've don both all day, and now I can't sleep and just have to pee all the time. To be honest I'm feeling a bit better; still have a sore throat but no fever right now. Plus I'm wide awake and its 10 minutes past midnight. I just watched a movie and despite the fact that Nicholas Cage was in it I am not any more tired. I got to tell you I'm rediscovering Netflix and how much I liked it. I just screened National Treasure which was good, next up is The Sound of Thunder and The Good Shepperd. Normally I'd put out the welcome mat and see if anyone wanted to watch them with me, but since I love you all too much to give you the plague we'll have to settle on movie night another time.

There's also something about being sick that makes you focus on yourself and I need that just about now. In fact I'm almost welcoming it because it gets my mind off of other things. However my dreams are always more vivid when I'm sick and thats not necessarily a good thing with the dreams I have been having lately. Well I'm going to try and get some shut eye now, so I'll talk to you all later.

An Update: Christmas in July, And what to do with Nick

Well apparently yesterday was not only the 4th but Christmas because I received a gift. I think the combination of cold, rain, and my current emotional state left we wide open to catching something. I know I did. I'm not sick now, but I see the signs and feel it coming on. I need to stock up on more vitamin water. I knew something was not right when I got up this morning and was tired even after getting a full nights sleep. Then the office is cold, the office is never cold. I'm here in a long sleeve shirt and I'm freezing. I can feel the scratchiness in my throat and general aches and pains. Oh well I should have expected it. Lets hope its the 24 hour type.

Then there is Nick. I don't know whats going on but its not the same between us anymore. I've known Nick for about 5 years now and I see him often, sometimes more than once a week in the summer. Lately though he's lost something and my interest is really beginning to wane. His prices keep going up while his services are becoming boring. Oh did I tell you the Nick's is a restaurant by my work? :) I don't know if I had anyone fooled or not but I guess it may be the cold coming on I'm getting a little punchy. Anyways yes Nick's is becoming not so special anymore, the thing that disappoints me is his grilled chicken. Today I got it in a wrap different than the salad I would normally get. It was not fresh like usual because usually I will patiently wait for some fresh grilled chicken. I also think he changed the marinade, a little overboard on the oregano and not enough on the garlic. Its not like this is the first time he's disappointed me several times in the past and I guess its my fault for going back. I guess if I can pony up the money at Nick's now I can go over to the Depot more.

Talk to you all later.

Worst 4th of July Ever

I can't imagine a worse 4th of July that I have had.

Seriously and I have had some bang up ones but this one takes the cake. It doesn't help that this is the first major holiday that I've had being single. Let me tell you it sucks ass. Everything that I thought would cheer me up brought me down, and with the exception of seeing my friend Nikki the day was a total wash. I'll spare you the details but needless to say I ended up locking myself out of my apartment, so guess who I had to see since our office is closed to Monday.

Since nothing could be coordinated I ended up going back and forth to Boston, and when i finally arrived at the Esplanade I knew there was no way I was going to get a good seat for the POPS. So I settled on what I thought would be an OK place to hear them and would be a great place to view the fireworks. It was cool and rainy and I sat under a tree so I didn't get so wet, and tried to pretend as if I was enjoying myself. I could barely hear the music since most people around me did not care about it and talked the entire time. Then came the 1812 overture which everyone knew so they all shut up. It finished with a small display of fireworks, in a different direction than I was facing because the view was then blocked by trees and a bridge.

Everyone else then realized where exactly they were going to happen and wanted to move so instant stampede. I said screw it and was not going to bother with the crowd and walked back to my car in the rain listening to my i-pod, and tried not get trampled. As I left Boston I could see them in the rear view mirror, and thought maybe next year. Then I added an addendum, maybe next year as long as I have someone cause I was the only guy there by myself which added a whole new level of depression. I had wanted to go do something so I could get out there and forget about the fact that I was single not highlight the fact.

People have been telling me how I need to get out there. I am trust me and what I have found so far is not encouraging. I am not sure if its problematic throughout "my people" or just a sign of the times but it would appear that Romance is dead. Everyone expects you to give it up on site, and quite frankly that is starting to repulse me. Being asked to dinner is just that nothing more. So I guess I'm going to say that I am giving up for a while on trying to find anyone and try to concentrate on my career. I did that once and love found me (or what I thought was love). Not that I'm going to become a hermit or anything but it drains to much energy. Maybe because I know I'm not meeting the right people, maybe its the fact that I'm holding on to something I shouldn't, I wish I knew the answer.

I'm thinking about hosting some kind of dinner party soon once I get the place to where I like it. Nothing fancy maybe just some hors d'ouvres.

That's enough lamenting for a while. Hopefully I'll be in a better mood for my next post.

More Than Meets the Eye

Now lets put aside the fact that I utterly loved transformers as a kid and that I wanted every single one of them. Lets put aside the fact that I saw the movie like 3 times when it came out back in the 80's and that each time I think I cried a little each time I saw Prime die.

(yes this is one of those moments where I will completely geek out)

I just came back from the latest Transformer movie. I have to say when I first heard that they were going to make another movie and that it would be live action I remember rolling my eyes thinking about how they were going to ruin it. I didn't think CGI was up to doing it. Then I heard that Michael Bay was doing it and I had images of Pearl Harbor and then I thought how much of a bomb it was going to be. I purposely did not watch many previews or behind the scenes things to spoil the movie that I knew regardless of how bad it was going to be I would have seen anyways. Come on after all I did see both Fantastic Four movies.

Then I started hearing rumors that they were going to get the guy who originally voiced Prime to do the movie, that was a plus. Then I heard Ludicris was going to be the voice of Megatron that was a minus but then it changed to Hugo Weaving so that improved that. Now I guess the choice of vehicles did not bother me that much. Bumblebee not being a VW beetle was different but it did not loose anything with the way it was written. There was a nice homage to the beetler though. In fact it looked there were a lot of little things they wrote in for fans.

The story was good too, for an action sci-fi flick. All in all it turned out to be ONE SWEET ASS MOTHER FUCKING MOVIE. For those of you that know me thats high praise since its not often I swear. Afterwards part of me was hoping that I would walk out to my car and it would start talking to me. I wonder what the robot version of red jetta would look like? So if any of you are on the fence about the movie just know that I loved and would definetly see it again.

Its All or Nothing

Something I never realized was how people could be in a relationship with someone and at the end of that relationship they could be so distant to almost despise one another.

That is until now. Maybe it has something to do with how much of ourselves we put into a relationship that once it fails; it does so much harm its the only way we can deal. I've talked to many people over the years and the consensus has always been that if you break up you may never speak together again. That always puzzled me. You invest so much in a relationship even if it did end how could you not want to salvage something. How you can go from being with someone and planning to spend the rest of your life with them, to treating them as an enemy was beyond my understanding. I'm not talking about a casual fling but if you had a good relationship going how can it be all or nothing at all.

Maybe it has something to do with how the relationship ends. If it ends with betrayal and hurt then that distance that grows, grows out of a need to protect oneself. You can not shut off your feelings for someone like a switch. If you could; then relationships would end all the time, and no one would hurt. Maybe its the fact that you love someone so much and you feel so hurt you have no choice but to build that wall to protect yourself even if its the last thing you want to do.

I'm building that wall even though I don't want to. It would be easier if I didn't care so damn much, but then if I didn't care so much there wouldn't be much need for it in the first place. I don't want to make my best friend my enemy, but I don't want to be hurt anymore. Maybe a solution will present itself, until then I take it day by day.

By the way this post would have been sooner had I not got a phone call in the middle of writing it. You know who you are!