Do You Believe in Magic?

You know when I was growing up I used to love watching the David Copperfield specials and thought it would be cool to be a magician. Then I got older and realised that its not magic, its all tricks.

20 years ago the only way we would be having this conversation would have been on the phone. There were no Laptops or PC's and if I were to describe to you what we are doing now it would seem beyond belief, but it wouldn't make it any less real today.

So do I believe in Magic? Yes just not the poison apples and love potions. Magic is wonderous. Its the thing that makes a dog walk half way across the country to its owner. Its the connection to a loved one that you feel despite how far away you are. Its our own ability to heal and forgive from the gravest of wounds.

Please forgive me for being so esoteric this evening. You see I can't help it. I haven't mentioned anything on here lately but I think its about time. You see I've met some one, completely unexpectedly. Which is I guess what they say will happen. To be honest I wasn't quite sure how he felt about me until today.

As my co-workers know I go to lunch at Fresh City and today was no different despite the driving rain. What can I say, Nora and I are creatures of habit. Well we made our way back in and around the corner to my desk and I immediately see two balloons over my cube. The balloons were connected to a nice little vase of purple flowers being hugged by a Teddy Bear. I barely got out the words "oh my" which let everyone know I was back and suddenly every woman who wasn't gone was at my desk as they had seen it being brought in. Yes I did turn red, I was not embarassed as much as I was taken back. OK maybe a little embarassed too. Of course the cat was out of the bag at that point so they all got the story, and while I still believe that Valentine's Day was created by Hallmark to make an extra buck after the holidays, I can't help but be giddy.

You know I once thought that "romance was dead". Now I'm not so certain. I think I may have just found the man to renew that faith I once had. I know I am breaking one of my cardinal rules about blogging about my dates but in this instance I feel justified.

Of Stones and Onions

Ok so I was thinking last night of a way to describe the brain in my book and I though I would share with you my thoughts. Naturally and I think more common is to describe it like an onion. Its multi layered and you pull back layer after layer. Thats so boring though! After all each layer is almost exactly like the previous. Where does that leave you on the road to self discovery. It leads to a pretty dull person.

After all was it not Buddha who said "What you are is what you have been, and what you will be is what you do now." I don't know to many boring people. Everyone has there own story and sometime that story is not pretty. I don't think many people really understand how things that have happened years ago can affect you today. So to that point I have decided the brain is like a stone in the woods. Sometimes smooth, often bumpy, and the bigger they are the more interesting it makes them. You want to know whats beneath the surface? Move the rock. EEWWWWW I am sure you all have turned over large rocks in your lifetime. What's there? Bugs and stuff. They scurry around and avoid the light. Thats your brain. On the surface its normal and otherwise common, but the second you see whats beneath the surface you find the real story. What little pieces of your psyche are scurrying around in there avoiding the light?

I'll tell you what one of mine is. While having an otherwise normal childhood I was always socially just outside the mainstream. Not that I wanted to be the cool kid. I was just being me. Apparently being yourself doesn't score to many friends in school. While I did have good friends I can't remember being accepted by large group of peers. Egad! How sad you say. Its no big deal, after all what good is acceptance if it comes at the cost of your identity. However being 31 now, I apparently still let this factor into my daily routine. It has less to do with some strive for acceptance and everything to do with why I have the friends I do.

I have been holding myself to some archaic double standard. Why do I have the friends I do? Well I try to surround myself with genuine good poeple. That doesn't mean they are saints, but it does mean they are honest and interesting people. I very much believe you can learn something from everyone by just knowing them. Some lessons are harder learned though. The thing is I love my friends for who they are, not what they "bring to the table". A fact that I somehow forget about when I think about why people like me. Often times I find myself needing to justify my presence or needing to provide a reason why someone would want to hang out with me; other than just accepting the fact that they like me for who I am. Its something that I am working on and I think its key to rebuilding a little bit of my confidence. Of course blogging about it is my way of getting it out there into the open. Lifting that proverbial stone so to speak and seeing whats there.

Subdued Exhuberance

Thats a mouthful isn't it. Well its kind of how I feel at the moment. Its February which means that our year closed at work. While I won't know for sure whether we made all our goals until Monday I can at least be happy that we did everything that we could to meet them. It really is a cause of celebration. However I ran myself ragged that I have come down with another cold. Which sucks because literally I feel like dancing but I have to take it easy out of fear that I get worse. Oh well its Sunday now and I feel a whole lot better so I'm going to say I am on the mend. I was able to have a little treat though Friday. I had originally planned to have a quiet Friday night after maybe a drink or two with some colleagues. However I found myself invited out to dinner and it was a great way to end the week if not the month.

The rest of the weekend though has been spent re cooperating. Not that I mind the time to myself but I really was looking forward to being more active this weekend. On the plus side I was able to both spend some time on my book and on my tattoo design. So soon I will be able to get my tattoo I know I have been thinking about it for awhile now, and its evolved over time but I finally have it at the point I want it. Its a little bigger than I anticipated but considering its been over a year that I have been working on the design it will be worth it.

Tonight I'm heading out to the bar to watch the game. I bought a couple of squares in a pool so here's hoping I win. Wish me luck.

Weekend Update: Believe the Lie

So this was a very busy weekend as far as activities are concerned. I don't think I was even home for most of it. Saturday morning I headed into work to finish up some last minute stuff for year end (which is this Friday thankfully). I put in a good chunk of hours there but managed to take some time off for a little lunch break with someone. It was a good time although short lived since I needed to get back to work, but its always nice to get out and meet new people. So after finishing work I had some time to kill before the party so I headed to the gym. There I met up with my new friend Mr. Elliptical. A fun time was had by all and soon enough it was time to head to my friends' house where they were having a party and there would be a Tarot Card Reader. It had been awhile and I should have thought to have more questions prepared but alas I got caught up in the moment and had my overall reading and got to ask 3 questions.

Generally speaking it was a good reading "as in things looked like it will turn out OK' and she seemed to zero in on some things that I was not mentioning. Without knowing me she was able to determine that I was in the middle of some kind of personal struggle after having some kind of a major event last year. Ok a little vague but then she went into how I dealt with it and it was spot on. The real kicker was that while doing well and on the right track there is still a lie that needs to be taken care of. Its not a lie that I am broadcasting about myself but its something more that I believe in and until that is settled I won't be where I need to be. Admittedly this just about brought a tear to my eye because I know what it is that she's talking about. Whether its hooey or snake oil is beyond my means of judging but she did have a point. She also said she doesn't see it being resolved right away. It will be done over time and be completely personnel. No one else will be able to help me with it. Once it is dealt with though that leg of my journey will be complete, and I will have successfully have evolved into that next level that I am striving for. She also knew that I came from a strong Religious background and while I may not be practicing I am highly Spiritual. I could not help but to agree with that sentiment, and it is that aspect that will apparently help me move on.

That was my overall forecast. I had the opportunity to ask three questions. The first was a general question that I was almost embarrassed to ask. "Will I ever find my soul mate?" To which I got the answer "Who says you find just one?" Which kind of threw me. I guess for as much as I value friendship, trust and commitment I may find many soul mates along the way that I can learn from. As far as "the one" I was told that while I am making great strides by myself, but I will work better as part of a couple. I need to patience though as it is not (in the cards) for right now. More allusion to said lie before that will need to be dealt with. Overall though she does see a positive outlook, which she admitted was a surprise since she's more turmoil usually.

The next question was for my family. I wanted to know if things will work out for them. She said that things had been bumpy for awhile. The skeptic in me was thinking that of course one would think that if I am asking if everything will be ok. Anyways she said pretty much that the family did have a great sense of love for each other, and personally there is not much that I can do. Events will unfold that I may not be happy with but in the end my family will be happy with and it will be ok.

My last question resolved around work. Specifically I asked will I be at my job for a long time. She said that it I will be and may be there long enough to run the place. She said that I may not be thinking I am doing a good job or maybe think that I can do better, but others are taking note. She said that something big will happen this year, but could not see what it was but its positive. She also told me to do more volunteer work because that will fill the whole that's missing in my current job.

So all in all not bad. I'm not doomed, I have a lot of positive things going for me and no real obstacles to overcome sans that one lie. So its hard especially when you so want to believe the lie.

So Sunday I woke up to 4 inches of snow, and literally looked out the window and said "SHIT" It was 10:30 and my best friends Mat and Tina were already on the way down here. I had seen the forecast the day before and it did not call for that. So I was a little worried but found that it was suppose to only be on the coast. Yeah whatever! Well fortunately they made it here and we went to La Cantina in Ashland/Framingham for lunch. It was good and I'm glad they liked it. So after lunch we got to the real reason why they made the trip down from Burlington on a Sunday.

We went to the new U2 3D show at Jordan's furniture. Now Jordan's itself can be quite the sight but we were there for the show. Despite seeing several pieces of furniture that I want I did not purchase anything. We did buy 3 of the last 5 tickets to the sold out show. Wow it sold out fast, but it was a good show. It was filmed knowing that it was going to be 3D so they carefully craft the show with those elements in mind. There was only one time that seemed a little cheesy when there was a shot of Bono singing close up with arm extended. It seemed a little cliche but other than that it was a very good show. The 3D elements were in the layering of scenes. It was really kind of cool. At one point the sea of people looked exactly like a sea complete with waves. A definite recommendation if you like the music.

The two spooky things that happened though was in the film along with all the other stuff that was being flashed and displayed was the saying "Believe the Lie" so that caught me a little off guard. The other happened while I was driving to the gym. I was listening to the radio and they started to play U2, not a new song but a classic which I like called "One". I never hear it on the radio until yesterday not even an hour after I get out of the movie. Without getting too maudlin the song has some pretty deep themes that seem parallel events in my own life as of late.

After that we said our goodbyes and I headed off to the gym. Where I realized that I really should be disinfecting the equipment after AND before I use it. Really manners are just lost on some people. I know your not lazy because you are working out so you just must be rude. Its not bad enough you just sweated over the damn machine you also have a hacking cough and don't believe in covering your mouth. Maybe that's why I keep getting this damn cold.

So after another workout session I headed home and jumped on the T, and met my friends at Karaoke. It was a very quiet night maybe because it was so cold it kept people away. Either way the place was dead, and I was informed that the kid gloves are coming off. I really need to get up there and sing something. No matter how much I know I can't sing; in two weeks I'll be performing something. What song it is I won't tell you until its done. If you really want to know you should come.

It's Made of People!!!!

First off let me apologize. My last post was on the seventh and it is now the 25Th. That's almost 3 weeks. A good chunk of stuff has happened since then. I had a birthday (31), I have been going to the gym, and oh yeah working! I'll be glad once its February. The good news is my company is doing well so we are looking to end the year on a good note and it makes you feel good when you know that you contributed to a part of that.

This weekend I'm going to a party and we will be having a personalized Tarot Card reading. I think it will be great fun. I know my friend Moe did one for me a couple of years ago and a lot of the stuff happened to come true. So I will be curious to see what the professional has to say. My boss gave me a good site to go and read your horoscope. Its called AstrologyZone.Com just click on that and you'll be brought to the reading for January if you want your own just select your own from the drop down list. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I will be in store for a good year. That's good news considering what a bang up year the last one was. For instance this is how it starts:

The year 2008 is just made for you! Last month, on December 18, Jupiter, the great planet of happiness and good fortune, moved into Capricorn for the first time since 1996 to stay until January 2009, a full year. This marks the dawning of a whole new era for you, one that will erase so many of the disappointments of the past.

Erasing disappointments; I like the sound of that. Well its my year to make it happen. I already made a major goal of mine this morning actually. For the first time in years I clocked in under 300 lbs. I have no particular shame in reporting that because I know it will never happen again. I thought I did that some years ago when I was on Atkins but I know the scale was old and unreliable. I feel much better this time around, and healthier I might add. I'm well on my way and with the new exercise regiment and good "diet" I am consistently losing from week to week and that matters more than a number on the scale. Plus I am feeling lighter which is always a good thing. If I keep up this trend I will be in great shape this summer. Why is that so important? Well I plan on going to the beach but something I have not shared yet was my major motivations. I want to be able to hike, not just a hill, but a mountain again. Not a big one. I don't want to delude myself but I used to do that in school and I miss it. I got so out of shape and did not realize it. I do like being outside, sans the bugs of course but I can deal. During my short lived career as a Boy Scout I got a few Badges one naturally was cooking, another was Orienteering. I loved plotting courses and hiking. So this summer I think I am going to pick a mountain and do it. Hopefully someone will want to accompany me.

OK I need to vent a little. I'm doing my weight loss thing right, and in the morning I have these Muffins that are made of sprouted grains. I have been eating these things for over a year now and despite the obvious Christian overtones to the brand I enjoyed it. You may have seen them. Ezekiel 4:9 sprouted grain muffins. Great stuff especially toasted. Since processed food is the devil this in turn must be the shining archangel of breakfast delights. Here is an excerpt from the Bible verse that inspired the food:

"Take also unto thee Wheat, and Barley, and beans, and lentils, and millet, and Spelt, and put them in one vessel, and make bread of it..."

So all good stuff, and sprouted grains means more fiber and while trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle more fiber is better. It cleanses the system and absorbs toxins and other nasty bits that you don't want in you. However speaking of cleansing the system our find friends over at Food For Life must have stopped reading after that passage because Ezekiel 4:12 says:

"And thou shalt eat it [as] barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight."

WWHHAATTT???!!!! I am not lying that's the verse. One can only wonder why that was left out of the marketing material.