Pride and Prejudice

Well Pride Boston 2009 has come to a close. I think every year in Boston the Pride Celebrations get a little longer. Soon it shall encompass the entire month of June in one whimsical pink feather boa. Sadly I have no pics from the weekends events to post since I just finished figuring out how to charge my new camera battery. Not that there would have been many this year. My participation this year in events was somewhat lackadaisical. Having been traveling most of the week before, then moving my worldly possessions and finally attending a party until about 3:30 AM Saturday I was exhausted. I woke Saturday AM at 10:30 and knew I should get going if I was going to meet up with people and go to the parade. I jumped onto the B line as it was coming by, knowing full well its reputation for being the tortoise of all the green lines. I was elated when the conductor decried the train to be express. At this point really it was a good decision as I found myself surrounded by some teenage lesbians who also were destined for the parade.

Now I don't have an issue with Lesbians; it just seems that they always don't like me for some reason. Now that is not always the case but 9 times out of 10 I will get a discouraging look for my efforts to be social so I let them be merely observing the conversation they were having. Slow and steady did not win this race or get us there any faster as our forward momentum quickly came to a grinding halt. The conductor got on the PA system with his best Mushmouth voice announcing that there was a "Plaster Crane on Cerberus" or at least that's what it sounded like; what he meant was a "Disabled Train in Front of Us". JOY! and if your reading this and you know me you know what I did next. Immediately began calculating at what stop I should get off versus the risk of catching up with the parade. My calculations though were interrupted by the sudden stirrings of the lesbians. They were harping on the T until one of them called out in her best here me roar voice that "we are lesbians we can do anything". I chuckled warmly at this. About 5 minutes later we got to see exactly what her mettle looks like as the lights went out and the train jerked. Suddenly Wonder Woman became a scared little 5 year old clutching on to her lovers tattered leggings for safety as she nuzzled her pierced face in their warm embrace. "We can do anything" indeed.

Now I don't mean to pick on my "sister" here but lets face it. She's a classic example of what I see today on the streets where ever I go. Maybe its because I wear my heart on my sleeve that I don't find this need to put on some false persona. Essentially what you see is what you get. There are others out there like me but they are few and far between. See how my "sister" reacted was not bad or comedic it was instinct in response to unfamiliar stimuli. Her fight or flight response was triggered. We learned that despite her bravado she's more on the flight side of the equation. There's nothing wrong with that; so what's the need to overcompensate?

Eventually the train started moving again. I decided the risk versus return on catching up with the parade would be best if I got off at Park St. Which is where I ascended the stairs and took off for the state house. As I was getting closer to the street I could establish where the parade was by simply listening to the melodious roar of the self designated "Dykes on Bikes". Sure enough I climbed the steps in order to see the parade right on time. I watched as each groups marched, some with floats some without. There were churches with banners, social groups raising awareness for things such as domestic violence, and some sponsors and candidates who bordered on pandering to us. As if by blaring 70's - 80's club music it will get me to vote for you or buy your product. I appreciate the support, attendance and participation in the days festivities but please come up with some better material. Your attempts at camaraderie seem cheap at best.

Scattered between the above were your expected club floats, and ethnic groups. To witch I realized that we are all at this parade, hell we are all at this event but we are a separate nation. Lesbians, Transgendered, Poly, Leather, Bear, Twink hell we have more subsections than we do colors on our flag. While we may be here together on this day what the hell else are we doing during the rest of the year to bridge this gap. This is why the fight for equality is slow and steady. Like the rest of the animals we herd. We form our little groups and hierarchies to feel safe and maintain order. What does it accomplish though other than our mere survival. Left up to our own devices we've created our own little segregated nation no different from the one we want to be treated equally in. So much so that our nations are now stereotypes of what they once espoused. Fetishes taken to the extreme and now branded as the calling cards of our society.

I'm not preaching for conformity, I don't want a single person to become something they are not. I want people to be who they are not what their society tells them they should be. Even my own community which I should belong to was created as an alternative to the main stream gay culture at the time were men could be themselves and not have to conform to the main stream movement. It recognized men for what they are and we are in fact people of all different shapes and sizes. This community is called the Bear community. Even from its benign beginnings the community today has changed. It limits in its acceptance those who it considers in its population. Its message of inclusion replaced by stereotypes to exclude by. No longer can someone who just wants to associate with this group simply do so without looking the part. This attitude is prevalent throughout the society as whole not just the Bears, not just the Twinks.

We grouped together for protection for our survival, now though I fear that survival method has stunted our growth. Its time to start casting off those symbols of subculture and embrace who we really are. We are all unique individuals with a gift we can give to ourselves and our communities. Do not stifle it in the conformity of the comfortable. Challenge yourself every day to be the best person you can be. That my friends is what you should be Proud of; its not what you are but what you have become.

This is the way the world ends.

So as with any life altering events I've had, this one is no different. They are usually highlighted by a period of intense dreams. Most likely my subconscious mind working on overdrive to piece together what the hell I have done in the waking world. For the past couple of days I've been having very vivid dreams which all seem to end pretty badly. I've had friends become enraged with me, particularly violent dreams, and even a nice dream or two cut short by some kind of event. It wasn't until last night that they started to come together. Its playing out in my mind like some kind of Sci-Fi flick.

My first dream last night was of no particular merit until the end. I was visiting my parents in Chicago in what will be there new apartment. I was looking at my mother who was standing in front of big window that looked out on to Lake Michigan. Suddenly I saw behind her a face in the glass peering over her shoulder at me. I looked away and then it dawned on me what I saw and I looked back. Not only was it still there but I recognized the face as well. It was my old friend from when I was growing up. He was none to happy and even less mortal, as apparently he was now dead and a ghost. Stunned I was speechless as he drifted up and over my mother straight at me. As he advanced towards me he said "Garrett, you don't have much time left". To which I remember thinking what is this a Christmas Carol? Is he the ghost of Christmas past? Then I woke. Weird. I know my friend is alive and well, married and although we don't talk as much; I know that no harm has come to him. The warning while a bit unsettling took on a different meaning the moment I fell asleep again.

Now this one was set in Boston I could tell it was an immediate future. As the dream played out the time line was skewed so I shall retell it in as best chronological order as I can. Near as I can tell I was downtown but the layout had changed. I was on Boylston St. close to the common before actually getting to it. I remember having on my backpack as I walked down the street. It was a warm day so I was sweating. I stopped and sat and opened my pack to fetch a new dry shirt. As I did so I was approached by two people who obviously wished to do me harm. Essentially they wanted me to hand over my pack and I refused they got increasingly more belligerent and I wouldn't budge. One who was bald pulled a knife. To which I had responded with my own. His partner decided I was to much effort and ran off. My bald assailant became less enthused about harassing me but was persistent enough to shadow me. Figuring he would cave in with the proposition of his easy prey turning into a hard earned mugging I advanced on him. As we entered the street I turned west and started to hear a commotion coming from down the road and saw something moving up in the clouds.

As it moved around a building I saw that it was not a thing at all but the clouds themselves. I was watching the formation of a funnel cloud as it rapidly descended onto the city. Mind you it was not a large one. More like the pencil thin variety compared to the black voluminous ones that can swallow up whole towns. I remember thinking that tornadoes don't form in cities, even in tornado alley. The only tornado I know that even hit a city was in Worcester in the 1950's. Even it though was formed outside the city and the city was no where near big as Boston. Regardless; the fact was I'm standing in a street with a tornado bearing down on me. My new friend was long gone from what he saw, maybe there was some sense in him after all; even if it did take an act of self preservation to make him realize it.

At this time I followed suit. I turned tale and ran for cover. As any person should know when trying to escape a barreling tornado there are a few things you need to do. Find shelter preferably in a basement, and second while fleeing try to run perpendicular to the path of the storm, because frankly you can't outrun mother nature but you can occasionally get out of her way. While the cloud was approaching I could not find any unlocked building to take cover in. Most having large panes of glass they were not suitable for hiding in. I got to the area where the common now stands but in its place where old abandoned buildings. Now I am literally quite thinking "Any port in a storm" so I make a dash for the closest building and as I expect its boarded and padlocked. It is at this time I realize the storm has changed direction and is coming closer but not at me. What is taking aim at me though is a continuous stream of lightning. It was a peculiar characteristic for lightning to take, while fascinating to watch my curiosity would get the better of me if I didn't find shelter soon.

I turned to the building and saw a small window that was open blocked by a piece of wood that was padlocked. Adrenaline was coursing through me as I ripped the wood away with my hands and pushed the window open to its fullest aperture. I tore off my backpack and through it in and dove in after it escaping the approaching melee. Safe at least for now. I was on the cool floor of this dusty warehouse in the dark breathing heavily thankful for my quick thinking and the building's solid construction. It wasn't until later that I would find out exactly how relative the term "safe" was.

Despite believing I was alone in the dark after a few minutes catching my breath I learned that neither was true. A light bulb turned on, it was the kind that hangs from the ceiling and usually has a string attached. On the other end of the string is a white haired man, dressed in dark slacks and shoes with a grey shirt on with a collar reminiscent of the clergy. If the man had at one time been of the cloth he no longer possessed its benefits as he was unkempt in appearance and as he spoke I could clearly tell he was disturbed. It was not in a way that one would classify a homeless vagrant but more disturbed from the knowledge of seeing something no mortal was ever suppose to see. He seemed shell shocked but he was definitely lucid.

He told me that I had stumbled upon his safe haven. As I looked around I noticed that the warehouse while abandoned by its owners was now the residence of this rag tag group of people. Who at first glance I thought were homeless. I asked the white haired man what this place was? Did they all lose their homes to the economy? He said simply no. He said that these people chose to come here, leaving behind perfectly good homes. I was stunned. The others didn't seem homeless in fact they appeared to look like a community, everyone was chipping in and helping each other. Its like I stumbled upon and underground kibbutz or commune. I asked the man, who clearly was their spokesman, why here why not outside at the very least on open land where they can at least grow their own food. He told me that they had to live there out of necessity as it was not safe in the world above.

He explained further that there is a problem with the world. He did not explain how he knew but just that our world will soon be attacked He told me that there were others outside our world who are actively working to eliminate us from it. Their actions could already be seen he said. He pointed to the current political climate and world economy. He related to me stories of other bizarre weather patterns around the globe to which I had to concede illustrated a bit of validity to his words because that storm that just hit was anything but normal. It seemed as if it had a purpose to cause as much destruction as possible.

That aside he went onto to explain that these interlopers who were meddling in Earth's affairs were still gathering information. The more people out in the world the faster they could get that knowledge, because apparently the information they needed was at the genetic level, so the more people removed from the general populace the better and longer it would take them to get to their ultimate plan. I don't know why I believed him. The whole idea was fantastic as if every element of a sci-fi book or flick were coming to reality. Despite my concerns and suspicions I too decided that I would reside there with them. At the very least it was a self supporting community and I know they could use someone like me helping. It was not soon after that I would be joined by a few other friends.

In time we all began to see what the others were talking about. I however, would not be content just staying put passively aggressively fighting what was to come. I took to the streets having become a private detective. It gave me some leeway to be able to investigate incidents without drawing to much attention. Everything I found though was pointing to a grim outcome. I soon came to understand that if I resisted and fought I would quickly be consumed and destroyed in some manner so I resigned my self to observation. It was too late to affect any change, and part of me didn't want to. Having seen what the human race is capable of I was not above thinking that maybe we deserved it for all the war and destruction we've wrought on ourselves. It was now only a matter of time before it was over, and there was a small part of me that was relieved.

Soon I found myself back on Boylston St. were this all began and sure enough my friend, the would be assailant, decided to try again. This time he had a gun, but so did I. He pulled out his handgun but I didn't even reach for mine, after all what difference would it make if I died here or in some climactic earth shattering way. With my gun at my side I threw one hell of right hook and sent him flying. He recovered running into a nearby club. I pursued and as he ran up the stairs he toppled some people down the stairs and I realized that my own personal safety aside I couldn't let him harm anyone else. I ran back downstairs grabbed my gun that had come loose in the dash up the stairs. I remember it being some gold plated handgun but it was very smooth and rather futuristic. I reached the top of the stairs and he started to fire at me. I remember shouting to him, pleading to him not to make me do this. He responded with more gunfire. I remember cocking the gun, I rounded the corner and took aim. I knew that even if I got hit I would still have time to make my shot count. He stood from behind is hiding spot and started to unload, I shot once. It hit him square in the chest killing him instantly. The force of the shot put him through a window but did not make him fall to the street below. Instead he was no slouched out the open window arm draping down over the gathering crowd below.

I went downstairs and showed my ID to the police and started to head back the warehouse that was my home now. I heard a sound behind me and I looked back up at the broken window and thought I saw something. Kind of like a small spark no larger than a gold ball, and then it disappeared. I kept on walking and the sound returned this time larger and I turned to see a small building suddenly implode. It fell inward on itself and kept becoming impossibly more dense and compact until it was gone, people and all. Then there was a burst of light from the point that it disappeared as if a small star just went nova, and instantly anything along the blast wave was incinerated. From my distance I was knocked to my feet by the pressure wave. That's when I knew. It was over. This was the event. I got back to my feet to run back to the warehouse. I don't know why it would not have helped me. Then the sound came again I looked back to see a large sky scrapper was collapsing in on itself, and I knew that each explosion was getting progressively bigger and there was no way I was going to escape this blast. Sure enough the building was gone. Erupting from its core was a fire that I knew would carry me to the next life. I saw the wave approach and wash over me like a shower one steps into that's too hot. I turned as the clothes burned away from my body. I could see the skin peel away from my arms and the watched as the people who were near me shared the same fate. The last thing I remember as the fire consumed me was collapsing to the ground as my muscles could no longer support me. Death was moments away, on the ground helpless I felt as if I was being pulled backwards my body was being drawn towards the void to fill the vacuum created by the blast wave. My body was crashing into others and debris until it was all just one indistinguishable pile of ash.

I was dead. My body was destroyed, but my consciousness existed if only for a little while. In that time it visited every other dream I have had for the past few nights and it showed me that this is how it always ended. In every dream in every scenario where ever I was or whatever I was doing it all ended the same way. I knew those dreams had ended abruptly due to something, only now did I realize that it was this event in every dream.

I don't claim to know what it all means. I have my suspicions, but let me be clear I do not believe that there are Aliens setting out to destroy us. I do know that every aspect of my life is changing again, and not much of that old one will remain when its over.

Its not a bad thing, it just is.

Peace.

The Incredibly Fabulous Life of the Un.Employed Mr. Earley

I know the title is a bit campy, and despite what you may think camp is not necessarily one of my shticks. There is an inside joke there for those who see it.

Any ways today I guess you could say is day one of my new life. I didn't count the weekend for a couple of reasons. A) It all kind of blended together B) It was just the weekend. Today was the first day I would have been at work had I not decided to leave. It was weird. Unlike most other days. Normally if I were to take a day off I would have gone somewhere, since I really didn't the first half of the day felt more like a sick day. I felt like I shouldn't leave the house cause I was sick or something. I shook myself out of that funk around noon time. Just in time to get a text from my friend Melanie.

Melanie having been out of town for the past week and a half missed all the goings on and stuff so we had a sushi lunch to start to catch up. I realized as we were leaving there really was not enough time. What can I say? I had a busy couple of weekends. It was good to see her though, its unusual for me to feel so close to people at a job I once had. I know its only been a couple of days but still. These people I worked with for years. We've laughed we've cried we've kicked some serious ass. I guess it was only natural deep relationships would form. I also wanted to see her so she could bring news back to the office that despite photographic proof to the contrary (thanks Shawn) I did survive my going away party.

I think I will skip over the details of the party and the rest of events this weekend. If you were there you know what happened, if not the stories that are circulating seem far more scintillating than any description I could give. Suffice to say I had fun Friday and Saturday. Sunday was just plain weird and proof positive that I don't seek drama. It just has this uncanny ability to find me. Seriously all I did was sit at a bar stool and BAM! drama.

Its my first blog in a bit so maybe you were thinking you get a little more, maybe something a little deeper. Nah not this time. Just getting back into the swing of things that's all. I went to the gym earlier today. I'm now making it a point to get to the gym in the morning so I can start the day right. I actually did a great grocery trip today. I got these things called vegetables. I should say previous to this I did eat them but they were more pre-packaged. These are fresh I actually have to use a knife to cut them and take time to prepare them. I'm a little proud of myself. Screw that a lot proud of myself. I hadn't realized just how much of me seemed to start to slip away.

So tomorrow I am going to the beach. I haven't decided which one at this point but I know there will be one. Most likely Wednesday too. This week and next I am going to treat as an extended vacation of sorts and unwind. I think I am freaking my roommate out too. I don't think he can quite comprehend what I did or why, but in a way I even have trouble with it at times. So I can't blame him.

I bought myself a nice little compact camera tonight as well. My old one is just not that portable and frankly is getting quite old. So I picked up a nice little treat on sale and will put it to good use tomorrow. Stay tuned for pics.

Peace.