So this afternoon I was talking to a friend and we were comparing notes on how we eat. Of course I couldn't help but think it would make a good subject to talk about on my blog since everyone seems to have their own eccentricities when it comes to food and consumption. Table Manners are one thing. Elbows off the table and all, you'd be surprised how often these get ignored. I don't ask for much and by no means stand on etiquette BUT common courtesy should be respected. I can remember this date I had not too long ago. The "gentleman" I was dining with was sunk pretty much before he even had a chance.
So we arrive at this restaurant and we are seated immediately. As our waitress comes over and explains the specials she takes our drink orders and had I been in my right mind the date should have ended there and then. I ordered my standard and much beloved Club Soda and Lime. Admittedly a little boring, alas very refreshing for the summer, and most certainly not on everyone's drink list. He orders a very odd pairing of House Red Merlot with what will soon be an Alfredo course. Not the best mix in the world but to each their own with wine maybe he just likes that type. These days pairings are done more to the taste of the patron rather than strict rules of Whites with fish and poultry and etc.
"How can you drink that?"
"Pardon me?"
"How can you drink that shit?"
Um??? I know we don't know each other that much, but with in 10 minutes of meeting me he is criticizing me on my choice of beverage. I thought maybe he was joking. Maybe it was an isolated incident.
"Its a lot better for you then soda and its hot out I would rather have the seltzer. Why did you choose the Merlot"?
"Cause it was cheap and I saw someone drinking it the other day, and I want to look cultured". (Note to men - if you want to look cultured don't announce that you want to look cultured.)
"Still I can't believe you drink that crap".
"OK ENOUGH ABOUT THE SELTZER"
It was at this time I should have ran. To my dismay I didn't I had thought well he likes the same meal as I do maybe this can be salvaged. Besides I hadn't been on a whole lot of dates at this point so I was consigning myself to at least using this as practice. I should have gone over and chatted up the ficus, at least I would have left clean. I always thought the idea of bibs was a bit corny. After this evening though I was wishing that they carried them in bulk at Italian Eateries as well as Crab Houses, because my date upon seeing the plate of food that was set in front him, devolved into what one of co-workers can only describe as a "Beastful Creature". Truly a sight better left unseen. With pupils dilated like teacups he grabbed his knife and fork and attacked his meal with all the grace and refinement of 80's horror movie villain. I mean man, gnocchi is good but this was like air dropping food into Africa bad, and far more wasteful. Maybe he wouldn't have been so hungry if he didn't let half of it hit the table. OR ME!
Check PLEASE!!!
Anyways certainly not the worst date I have been on but thats a story for another time.
Anyways getting back to manners at hand. I don't expect much just common courtesy. With that being said I tend to notice things about people. Their little nuances that makes them who they are. For instance this one doesn't let the silverware touch their lips, that one insists on salting before tasting, this one loves ketchup, that one can't eat chicken on the bone (except for the Kowloon Wings). I don't count myself out of observation as well since I can be pretty particular when it comes to things too. For instance what Jillian and I were discussing earlier is our tendency to eat uniformly. For instance if you have three items on your plate you will eat all three uniformly (not necessarily all at once); in other words we don't eat all the potatoes then move on to something else. Every item has a little bit left until the end, because you always want to end on a good note. Instead of the asparagus end on that final cut of steak, and allow the flavor to linger. Call me neurotic ( I heard that ) but it disappoints me when I forget that and take one last swig of coffee. DAMN now that perfectly seared and peppered steak is gone to be replaced with coffee. Oh well.
In my life though I have observed many people who exhibit similar and differing foibles, maybe not as oafish as my"cultured as McDonald's Yogurt" (sorry Sharon) date; but odd just the same. There are what I call the mashers, those are the people who mix everything together, and optionally dump gravy on it all. There are the cutters, the ones who get a plate of food and spend the next 10 minutes cutting up every last bit into bite size pieces before consuming. The shifters, who move the food around the plate. The players, are usually of a younger age and "play" with the food. There are also the Pickers; they are the ones who will pick out every pea or mushroom in the dish before they can eat it. There are also the Inhalers; who eat as if they have a train to catch (note this doesn't mean they are messy just fast). There are also the Savorers who can make even the quickest fast food meal last as long as 5 course tasting menu. The list goes on and on. What are you? Does one of these hit home, or maybe your a combination. Maybe theres some new category. Maybe someone else has had a bad restaurant date, anyone care to share?
So we arrive at this restaurant and we are seated immediately. As our waitress comes over and explains the specials she takes our drink orders and had I been in my right mind the date should have ended there and then. I ordered my standard and much beloved Club Soda and Lime. Admittedly a little boring, alas very refreshing for the summer, and most certainly not on everyone's drink list. He orders a very odd pairing of House Red Merlot with what will soon be an Alfredo course. Not the best mix in the world but to each their own with wine maybe he just likes that type. These days pairings are done more to the taste of the patron rather than strict rules of Whites with fish and poultry and etc.
"How can you drink that?"
"Pardon me?"
"How can you drink that shit?"
Um??? I know we don't know each other that much, but with in 10 minutes of meeting me he is criticizing me on my choice of beverage. I thought maybe he was joking. Maybe it was an isolated incident.
"Its a lot better for you then soda and its hot out I would rather have the seltzer. Why did you choose the Merlot"?
"Cause it was cheap and I saw someone drinking it the other day, and I want to look cultured". (Note to men - if you want to look cultured don't announce that you want to look cultured.)
"Still I can't believe you drink that crap".
"OK ENOUGH ABOUT THE SELTZER"
It was at this time I should have ran. To my dismay I didn't I had thought well he likes the same meal as I do maybe this can be salvaged. Besides I hadn't been on a whole lot of dates at this point so I was consigning myself to at least using this as practice. I should have gone over and chatted up the ficus, at least I would have left clean. I always thought the idea of bibs was a bit corny. After this evening though I was wishing that they carried them in bulk at Italian Eateries as well as Crab Houses, because my date upon seeing the plate of food that was set in front him, devolved into what one of co-workers can only describe as a "Beastful Creature". Truly a sight better left unseen. With pupils dilated like teacups he grabbed his knife and fork and attacked his meal with all the grace and refinement of 80's horror movie villain. I mean man, gnocchi is good but this was like air dropping food into Africa bad, and far more wasteful. Maybe he wouldn't have been so hungry if he didn't let half of it hit the table. OR ME!
Check PLEASE!!!
Anyways certainly not the worst date I have been on but thats a story for another time.
Anyways getting back to manners at hand. I don't expect much just common courtesy. With that being said I tend to notice things about people. Their little nuances that makes them who they are. For instance this one doesn't let the silverware touch their lips, that one insists on salting before tasting, this one loves ketchup, that one can't eat chicken on the bone (except for the Kowloon Wings). I don't count myself out of observation as well since I can be pretty particular when it comes to things too. For instance what Jillian and I were discussing earlier is our tendency to eat uniformly. For instance if you have three items on your plate you will eat all three uniformly (not necessarily all at once); in other words we don't eat all the potatoes then move on to something else. Every item has a little bit left until the end, because you always want to end on a good note. Instead of the asparagus end on that final cut of steak, and allow the flavor to linger. Call me neurotic ( I heard that ) but it disappoints me when I forget that and take one last swig of coffee. DAMN now that perfectly seared and peppered steak is gone to be replaced with coffee. Oh well.
In my life though I have observed many people who exhibit similar and differing foibles, maybe not as oafish as my"cultured as McDonald's Yogurt" (sorry Sharon) date; but odd just the same. There are what I call the mashers, those are the people who mix everything together, and optionally dump gravy on it all. There are the cutters, the ones who get a plate of food and spend the next 10 minutes cutting up every last bit into bite size pieces before consuming. The shifters, who move the food around the plate. The players, are usually of a younger age and "play" with the food. There are also the Pickers; they are the ones who will pick out every pea or mushroom in the dish before they can eat it. There are also the Inhalers; who eat as if they have a train to catch (note this doesn't mean they are messy just fast). There are also the Savorers who can make even the quickest fast food meal last as long as 5 course tasting menu. The list goes on and on. What are you? Does one of these hit home, or maybe your a combination. Maybe theres some new category. Maybe someone else has had a bad restaurant date, anyone care to share?
Ahhhh, reminds me of the good old days back at Grandpa's. And yes, I am a inhaler. I will admit it.
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