Anger

Its one of those naturally occurring stages of grief. Its very powerful but it so empty, nothing good comes out of it and nothing good happens to you when you feel it. Its like cheating on a test, you have the chance of being caught and face punishment, but you do it to get by, knowing full well you won't know the material later on. Right now I'm at the point where I have the cheat sheet in front of me and I'm sitting down to take the test. I really don't want to be angry but I can't help it.

7 years, 7 GOD DAMN YEARS, most likely the best of my life wasted thrown aside without much consideration. No attempt at salvation, we could not even try counseling. You may have been thinking about it for awhile but I haven't. While you've been secretly planning to leave I've given more of my life. Maybe for the sake of what we had invested; you should have agreed to counseling, at least something. How the hell am I suppose to take your word that it will work out for the best, when just one week ago you would tell me you loved me and I meant the world to you.

I know we both say we want to be friends so how am I to believe its true. Am I just fooling myself. Is this just away of robbing me again of all that I should be feeling? If ever we are to be friends you need to take the first step, because the trust is gone. I take my friends very seriously, and don't pick them lightly. I honestly don't want to cut you out of my life but I will if I have to. You say you hurt too, well I doubt its anywhere near as much as me. You lied to me, not once but repeatedly and that I think is what hurts the most. You were my best friend and you completely took advantage of that fact.

Yeah maybe I should have done things differently, but maybe you should have talked to me instead of keeping it all inside. Maybe you should have fixed the problems instead of ignoring them and pretending they'd go away.

So yes I'm mad, mad as hell. I will get back on my feet again and be better for it. But I will know deep down inside that it did not have to end this way, we could have been great together.