Until next we meet

I don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing that I saw Brian yesterday. I would like to think it was a good thing only because I miss him so. On the one hand I feel as if I should cut him out of my life but the other says that we should still stay friends. I wish I could say our talk made more things clear, but I can't say that it did for me. I guess that's OK though because really all I wanted was to make sure my thoughts and feelings were heard and that is exactly what happened. I know we can't be together right now, there is just too much that's gone on that we both have to heal and grow. My problem is that I know we may never be back together, but I want us to get back together eventually. I do not want to hold on to false hopes. We are going to try to be friends, I think he knows that it may be far more harder for me to be friends with him and than vice versa. Maybe this makes me weak. I don't know but I know its what I want. With so much now out of control in my life why should I not be able to do what I want.

I don't know when I'll see him next. I kind of left that up to him. I don't want to monopolize his time. It would not be fair since after all we are no longer together. But at least I know that he wants to see me still, part of me was feeling like he never wanted to see me again. So for right now I'm just going to look forward to my visit to the therapist on Wednesday. I know when I'm not right and need to talk to someone and if there was ever a time now is it. I think he can help me get through this. I just wish it had been couples counseling instead.