Worthless

I say that because that is how I truly feel right now. Is it the hight of irony right now that I am in VT at a friends wedding and have to pretend like my own relationship is as strong as ever when in fact its non existent. I know many of you don't know so let me be the first to tell you. There is no more Brian and Garrett. I wish I could say it was mutual and while I understand now why we are here I can't get over the fact that I have lost my partner and best friend of 7 years. I don't know what the future holds but the chances of an reconciliation I think are gone, and I can't afford to hold on to some glimmer of hope that things will turn out right. I have to take care of myself now, and despite what people may think I have been doing the opposite for the past 7 years.

The hard part is going to be living. While I can occupy my time with things and tasks that make me forget, I can't do it 24/7. I have may be been getting an average of 2 hours sleep the past week a night. Every waking minute leaves me thinking of a fond memory, or a new fear about the future. I am at the best place I have ever been in my career and I could care less right now because I feel worthless. Just like some old rag thats been used up and tossed aside. We talk of still being friends but I don't know, had it been more mutual I would consider it possible. I guess the only thing I have to say is.

Despite everything Brian Ebel I will never forget you and to the day I die, there will always be a special place in my heart for you.

That may sound sad, but it is how I feel. I know we have a lot of mutual friends I hope we can both count on you to be there for us in this time. I don't want anyone to choose sides, although I know it will be hard.