Its All or Nothing

Something I never realized was how people could be in a relationship with someone and at the end of that relationship they could be so distant to almost despise one another.

That is until now. Maybe it has something to do with how much of ourselves we put into a relationship that once it fails; it does so much harm its the only way we can deal. I've talked to many people over the years and the consensus has always been that if you break up you may never speak together again. That always puzzled me. You invest so much in a relationship even if it did end how could you not want to salvage something. How you can go from being with someone and planning to spend the rest of your life with them, to treating them as an enemy was beyond my understanding. I'm not talking about a casual fling but if you had a good relationship going how can it be all or nothing at all.

Maybe it has something to do with how the relationship ends. If it ends with betrayal and hurt then that distance that grows, grows out of a need to protect oneself. You can not shut off your feelings for someone like a switch. If you could; then relationships would end all the time, and no one would hurt. Maybe its the fact that you love someone so much and you feel so hurt you have no choice but to build that wall to protect yourself even if its the last thing you want to do.

I'm building that wall even though I don't want to. It would be easier if I didn't care so damn much, but then if I didn't care so much there wouldn't be much need for it in the first place. I don't want to make my best friend my enemy, but I don't want to be hurt anymore. Maybe a solution will present itself, until then I take it day by day.

By the way this post would have been sooner had I not got a phone call in the middle of writing it. You know who you are!